Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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