just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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