i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
