woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize