Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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