Non-Jews are for practice
zippers are such a cool invention
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize