i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
