We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
