he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
