I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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