Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize