CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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