I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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