Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize