Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
