I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i now understand why vodka
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
