She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
