there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
