So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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