OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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