i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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