Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
