do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
