That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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