drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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