Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
