I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
