i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
