remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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