She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
