it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
