i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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