fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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