You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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