To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
