I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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