Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
