You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
