im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
