escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
