Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize