totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
