I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
