Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
