I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
