Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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