Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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