I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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