Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
