he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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