someone threw a dead crab at me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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