The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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