watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
