You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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