I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
