super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
