Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
