got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
