whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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