I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
