saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
