Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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