She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
