O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
