I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
