Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
