You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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