ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
