whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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