Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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