I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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