i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
